I really enjoyed your introduction! I think that the concept behind your storybook is such a unique one. I love how you are going to tell the story of the progress of man through the eyes of a cats none lives. I thought that you set up your stories well and made it very intriguing to the reader. I really liked how you walked through each of the cats eight previous lives. I think that sets up your stories well and it gives the reader a bit of an overview of what to expect. There were a few sentences that could be rewritten through-out your story. In the first paragraph, the last sentence seemed a bit confusing to me. I am not sure if you meant to include the extra “some” in the middle of the sentence or if it was a typo, but I didn’t get what it was supposed to mean. The last three sentences in the second paragraph were also a bit confusing and clunky to me. I would try to reword a little to make it flow better together.
You have a very interesting concept! I think you set up the idea well, but the Introduction seemed much longer and wordier than necessary. I kept getting confused and distracted while reading it. I think it might be helpful to run your intro and stories through a spellchecker again as well because there were quite a few typos (it is so hard to catch them all). I'm very curious to see who the main character is telling all of these stories to because second person is rarely used. I'm very interested to see where your story will go and whether or not you will write all nine lives. I really liked that you had an author's note on your storybook piece because I skipped that, and now I wish I hadn't. I also like that you made a music suggestion, but it was too late to listen to it while I read because it was at the bottom of the page. If you move it to the top under the picture, I think it would be more noticeable. Overall, you have a fun concept to play with, and I'm interested in where you'll go with it.
Wow. Your homepage is absolutely awesome! I love the picture of the cat that you chose and I love the box with the title of your homepage. This is my favorite homepage by far. Nice job. From the start, I really like how you started your story with a quote from a philosopher. Your introduction is very well-written, and I like how you did it in first person, too. As for the following chapters/tabs, Li Shou and U Kai, they are also well-written, but I found myself getting confused with the different characters and stories because it was still written in first person. I actually started thinking about myself when I read the words, "I" and "We," so I might suggest creating stronger personalities or a little blurb at the beginning of each tab with a description so that the reader isn't just reading in first person throughout and having to change through the different characters. But you did a nice job.
In regards to your introduction, I am captured by your subject on the grounds of seeming to be in such an incomprehensible state of existence that one wonders how he got there, as well as what kind of "otherness" brought out by humanity lies in such a character.
You tease out the stories well with vague details and the occasional idiom or metaphor (e.g. "curiosity killed the cat"), however I think it would serve well if you could clearly define the chronology of these stories; there are strange sentence orders like the time with Caroll being the finally before we get another life with Cheshire. The amount of lives also confuses me, as I count ten where I assume there are nine, and the narrator is at the end of his eighth? Some clarification would help.
The "neither, nor" sentence feels like it should be separated by a comma, but that's the only grammar quirk I can see.
On to your first story, your message of language is solid and the character development of our pussycat protagonist is off to a good start with his shenanigans involving distraction. We also have a narrative enigma about paradise falling for your next chapter, however I feel it would work even better at the end since the lingering statement at the beginning of the first life being the worst would be enhanced with an ending that calls back to that enigma.
This "unknown" consistently referenced to by the narrator doesn't exactly have anything to regard them as anything more than just an "unknown"; if you could elaborate on what exactly this "unknown" is, I feel it'll add weight to the events of the story and the cat's development.
There are a few grammar quirks, like "decendents", "as walked", and awkward comma placement in the first sentence of the first paragraph. Just a bit of skimming should clean those up.
You're off to a good start, Carol; your premise is intriguing, just laying down some more concrete details like chronology in the introduction and the purpose of the "unknown" in the first story, as well as thinking about how your narrative enigmas can be used as "hooks" for your readers will send this storybook soaring!
Hey Carol! I love the premise of your storybook! Cats are one of my favorite animals and I think it's so cute that you're writing stories from the perspective of a cat. Just some comments about the continuity, I got a little confused because from the introduction it seemed like it was his first life as Li Shou that introduced fire to humans, but then it was actually his second life as U Kai. Also, as others have commented there are a few spelling and grammatical errors (I noticed one on the quote for the last story, you're missing an e in progress), but nothing too terrible. I really liked both of your stories as well. I thought you captured the thoughts a cat really clearly and emphasized how different he is from the humans. I am confused as to why he is so disappointed in himself for letting humans get fire? Is it just because now they will be able to affect the environment more? He let them become the guardians of the world in the past story so what is wrong with them having fire? Anyway, I love your stories! Keep up the good work!
Wow, I love that you have chosen to do a storybook about cats. I am a huge animal lover (primarily dogs, but I am starting to like cats). The outline for your storybook is well presented. The images and quotes that you have chosen to use were very clever and well incorporated. After reading your intro, I think I was well prepared for what was to come in your other stories. The way you set everything up, flowed so well together. I like how each story will be about a different life that the cat lived. It makes me excited to read more about each story that you are going to have. I noticed a few typos, so maybe try to read through your story again just to double check. Sometimes reading it out loud can help. Can't wait to read more of your stories!
I didn't read U Kai's tale last time so it was interesting to see your continuation. You had far fewer spelling errors this time which I was super proud of you for! That I noticed, it was just the initial quote missing a letter in progress, and a few words like Pyrthat, first, and they being misspelled in the author's note. But I think your story is leading somewhere interesting, I'm just not sure where yet. However I am a little confused about the timeline. It sounds like a long long time has passed, but the humans are only just now getting fire. You even mention in your author's note that humans can't function without fire, but they seem to be functioning for hundreds of years and generations. They even developed language before fire. Are they living in a warm climate? Are their stomachs extra hardy against raw foods? Besides that element of disbelief over the fire on my part, I am ready for the next installment.
I really enjoyed looking at your storybook! Your introduction was fantastic. I liked that you make it kind of mysterious at the beginning and didn’t reveal that the person talking was a cat until the end. I noticed one grammatical error in the first paragraph when you wrote coarse instead of course. I read your first story and I really enjoyed it as well. The part about the platypus was really funny and creative. I like that you have chosen to speak from the perspective of the cat because you have really created a good cat-like attitude in your narrative voice. I am a little bit confused about the setup of you blog. Is the cat going to tell us about all of his past 7 lives and those will be your stories? Maybe you can mention that a little more clearly in your intro if so. Overall your project looks great, though, and I really enjoyed reading it!!
I really like the idea of your storybook. It will allow you to go in many different directions and have variety while still staying around the center concept of a cat and their nine lives. This is important when having a long project. The format of your storybook is very nice. It is aesthetically pleasing and easy to read. Your idea of having Li Shou kind of be a set up story is a great idea, but what if you did include a little more interaction with humans? This would add more to the story. There was a little confusion in the time line of the events between the introduction and stories. Maybe clearing this up would allow more understanding throughout the storybook. Overall, I feel like you have a really solid foundation for your storybook. It is interesting, fun to read, and easy to look at format wise. Keep going in the direction that you are going and it will provide a great storybook! Great job!
Carol, I remember either reading the introduction or reading something about this story before and I remember thinking it would probably be interesting. I think you’ve got a great start here for your storybook project!! First, I really like the physical look of your page. I think the pictures are terrific, especially the cat-woman type photo in the second story, “U Kai”. I think the pictures you chose all together are perfect to accompany your story. The text is easy to read with the plain black text and white background. Second, I think you’ve done a good job with the organization of your storybook. I like how each story is another life for the cat. I also really like how you added suggested music to your stories. I think that adds a lot to your project. Finally, I noticed a few sentences I think have type-o’s. Li Shou story, 3rd paragraph from the end/ 3rd line: Language is the building *blocks of society. >> Language is the building block of society. Li Shou author’s note, 4th line: The major point of *these piece was to provide an origin story >> The major point of these pieces (or this piece) was to provide an origin story Li Shou author’s note, 2nd line from the end: As to my promise, other stories will have more going on and will have more interactions with humans *then this one. >> As to my promise, other stories will have more going on and will have more interactions with humans than (then used as an instance of time, than is used to make comparisons) this one. U Kai story, 3rd paragraph, 4th line: We *meet at Salar de Uyuni so that those of the sky could join it the merriment with those of us bound to the ground. >> We met at Salar de Uyuni so that those of the sky could join it the merriment with those of us bound to the ground. U Kai story, 3rd paragraph, 6th line: The stories grew more fantastical with each new tale *build upon one another. >> The stories grew more fantastical with each new tale building upon the last. (This one isn’t a type-o I guess but it might be beneficial to restructure this sentence.) U Kai story, 3rd paragraph, 7th line: Foolish as I was *it the time, I deemed it below me to join in on the gaiety. >> Foolish as I was at the time, I deemed it below me to join in on the gaiety.
Wow! This is such a unique story and your introduction does a really great job of setting it up and making the reader want to continue reading. I really enjoy the way you write. Your descriptions are really vivid. I have a few comments on your first story. First of all, I really enjoyed it and it was so interesting. You did a great job at beginning your storybook. So you begin by saying Li Shou made its biggest mistake during this life, however the end of the story is positive and Li Shou doesn't mention a mistake again. I think you could give a glimpse as to why this is a mistake, which will hopefully help lead to your next story. Also, so the humans had no language before this? Would you be able to explain this further? Your first story is so good. You kept me interested through it all. Other than the bit about the mistake and the language, I have no critiques of this story. Your second story is just as good as the first. This life actually seems worse than the previous one, so I would think this would be the mistake, since now they will fear man, but of course I don't know since this isn't my story. I hate that Pyrthat stole U Kai's sword. It really seemed unfair to me, so I think you did good at describing the scene and it is a good element to include because it tells how fire came to be. I love how this is a creation story for fire. I think you could add more about what U Kai learned through this experience. However, like the first story, I don't have a lot to add, because you've done a really great job with it. You can always go through and clean things up and make things more clear, but so far you are doing really well with your storybook.
I love your storybook! It has such a creative theme and who doesn’t love reading about animals, especially when it is from their perspective! I noticed on your most recent story U Kai you have a typo in your quote where you wrote progrss instead of progress. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your story and it was a great addition to the first one that I read a couple weeks ago. I like that you are going through the different lives of one cat character instead of involving a lot of different characters because sometimes that can get really confusing. I also really like that your writing is so clear and descriptive. You do a great job of creating nice images through using the right words. I hope that you don’t give up on this project because the only advice I have is to make sure you get through all of the lives before you end the story!
To be honest, I was drawn in from the second I clicked on your storybook page and saw the homepage image. You definitely did justice to your storybook by using such an interesting image of the cat glaring. The quotes at the beginning of each new story set the tone perfectly! I think that you do a very good job choosing a quote that means so much to the story, as well. Your introduction is intense. Also, I love the STRONG use of imagery that you use throughout the entire story, but the introduction in particular. There was a typo in the 2nd full paragraph where you have "affected affected" written. Other than that, the intro had very few errors, and was grammatically very strong. In Li Shou, I again saw the use of imagery. You also use very strong verbs to describe the cats thoughts and actions. I like how you transition the character at the ending of the story to where it leads into U Kai perfectly. In U Kai, the main grammatical error I saw was in the beginning quote, as you forgot the e in progress, easy fix! As far as the content goes, I thought you did a great job explaining U Kai's new role. Overall, you have a very unique story and I love that the main character is a cat! I love that you used the idea of nine lives. You're a very strong writer, and I can't wait to see what happens in the remaining stories. Great job!
Hey I'm back again! Is it just me or are there new pictures in the Storybook? Either way, this time I noticed the pictures more and they really work well with the stories! I especially love the close up on the cat face for the introduction. The introduction seems more clear now and I still love the premise! I'm much less confused this time haha. I noticed more of the description this time, and I really love it! I especially liked your descriptions in U Kai about the sun setting casting tongues of fire on the ground and about him dancing. I also like the new music recommendations! I will definitely check out those songs when I get the chance. I really like how you change the banner image every time for the stories too. How did you do that? I might do that for mine as well but I wasn't sure how to get it so that it would change every time. Anyway, I love all of your revisions! Great job!
The way you setup the ambiance of your homepage with the colors and image really complements the feel I got from your story. One thing I appreciated about your story is the complexity that it seems to have. Just from the introduction I was intrigued by all of the events that the cat had to encounter throughout his or her lives! Obviously, the animal you chose to use in your storybook fits very well! I also liked the references to cliches, such as the "curiosity killed the cat". Plus the image was on point. You could've chose a funny cat meme, but I think that picture gives the reader a sense of mystery with the cat. Smart to go with a more serious picture. My only critique would be to read back over the introduction for some misspelled words and minor grammatical errors. Really good introduction though! Good luck writing it!
Hi Carol! First let me say how interesting your storybook is! It’s very original and you can do so much with it. There are so many things you can do with this storybook. I wish there are more personal stories that the cat tells in each lifetime. Each new life they just sort of give an over view. It would be nice to just describe the time period they’re in and the kind of lifestyle it is along with its current technology. Then at the end tell the story of the last events that took place before the cat dies and comes back. Nothing crazy, just one more paragraph. I think that will make it a little more personal because when I read this, I imagine a wise old cat on his last life telling his stories to kittens, maybe? I think it would add more emotion to the story as well. Of course, you don’t have to take any of these suggestions, your storybook is already so great! Best of luck!
Hi again! I have read part of your storybook, and from what I remember, I really liked it, especially the picture on your home page. I think it's interesting that in your introduction you use first person. Especially with your main character being a cat, I love this. I love the background you wrote. Also, I think it's fantastic that you referenced "Curiosity Killed the Cat." I wrote my senior research paper on that poem. It's a good one. From what I can tell since I last read your storybook, I can see that you're writing your chapters by lives of the cat. I think that's a fantastic idea. I might suggest maybe writing in a different style for one of your chapters as you move on to give it a little bit of diversity. Maybe write a chapter from the point of view of one of the characters that the cat runs into, like a mouse or a person. You could make the text italic so that we know it is from the different point of view.
Hey Carol! I want to start by saying that your storybook has good depth to it. You do a great job in setting up your storybook through your introduction. You briefly list the things and events that the Cat has gone through and then you continue to expound upon those events in your stories. Anything thing that you do great on is your author's notes. Throughout all of your stories your writing allows me to paint a picture of what's going on through the Cat's perspective. Also, you provide valid reasons for sayings such as, "curiosity killed the cat." There is only one thing that I keep getting hung up on and that is the Cat's transitions from life to life. Does the Cat end one life and begin another as major events happen throughout history? Or does the Cat literally die and is reborn in another cat body with all of its memories and experiences? Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed your storybook!
Carol I love that you decided to create a storybook about cats and the nine lives that they have whilst incorporating other stories into that! It's a great and different take on cats. I will say the transition from Li Shou to U Kai and so forth made me wonder why she/he changed into a new entity in the first place? And I was surprised to see that they were still deities rather than being reincarnated into the mortal realm. I would've enjoyed seeing them change/reincarnate in the mortal realm and in 'heaven' as a deity. Though this is strange to mention since it is a story about a cat with its nine lives, it would've been interesting to see it transition into a human. Quite possibly for the end could it do so? Adding into the greatness of your work, I loved how you incorporated the 'curiosity killed the cat,' it's stuff like that, that tickles me because it's awesome to utilize something we already know and transform it in a story. I'm sure you're sick of seeing that, but it's your popular piece yet. Overall, great job on your project!! It's coming in nicely!
Hello Carol, I really enjoyed your storybook. As soon as I saw the Introduction page I was already interested because of the great collections of photos you used thought your storybook. The reason I chose to read your story was because I love cats. They are so adorable and cute and your title immediately pulled me in. I wanted to see what this was about. I also like that the stories were easy to read and there was suggest music which is also helpful to know. I liked the idea of your story. The fact that each story is a new story is the most interesting and unique idea thus far. Your intro was also really good at setting up what the reader was getting themselves into. I think you did a really good job. The only think I would look at is just spellchecking. I also have trouble this. However, really great stories!
Wow I really loved your stories! I think that your theme and overall story arch is so clever and original. I never would have thought that a cat could use its 9 lives to live long enough to see the world grow and change throughout generations. I thought you did a good job creating your character. I felt like even though he was a different cat reincarnation in ever story, the writing was done it the same was that it kept it cohesive. I also like how you just included subtle glances at the human world that the cat was observing. I would suggest in your story about U Kai that you add the link to the next story at the bottom. I think you forgot to add it, but I really like how that was a seamless transition into your next story. I am excited to see what you write about for your next story.
This is such a great idea for a storybook! Using the cat as a narrator is a really interesting perspective through which to tell your different stories. I love how you took an idea that we are all familiar with, the nine lives of a cat, and expanded it to make this! I almost get an eerie feeling from your introduction from knowing that the cat has been there and will continue to be there. I think it is interesting to give him an almost god-like quality where he gets to silently oversee all these historical events, choosing when to interfere. I also loved how you incorporated quotes from various individuals at the first of every story. I hadn’t seen that before and I think it really works well here. Your first story was so good! You gave background so it makes sense why the cat is no longer charged with overseeing the world. I loved your details; you captured a cat’s nature well in your descriptions. The ending of this story perfectly sets the scene for a second story to explore the new life of U Kai.
Hey again Carol! I enjoyed reading the last of your two stories this week! I still think it is so creative that you are going through the nine lives of a cat through the eyes of the cat itself. After reading through some of the stories, it definitely looks like you put a lot of though and effort into researching the history. I think you definitely were able to transition well to the next story each time. If I was to add a suggestion to your story it would maybe be to change up the writing style a little or add some dialogue. I know it is through the cat's perspective, but it it was talking to someone else, there could be some interesting lines added or something! I did really like how your stories started out reflecting humanity and then went to something more focused on the individual. I thought the names for each of the stories were also unique. I wasn't quite sure what you were inspired by? Maybe explaining that a little more in your story would also be just an idea. Overall great stories and a great concept!
I really enjoyed your story boo this semester. I really liked coming back every few weeks and seeing what new storied you have added. I liked how in your stories you kept things slightly ambiguous at the beginning. It kept me interested in reading so that I could figure out what part of history you were in and what person you were talking about. I think that it was so fun to read from the perspective of a cat throughout its nine lives. I know we didn’t get through all nine lives, but I would love to read more and see what he gets up to. I like how each reincarnation of the cat had a different personality and outlook on humans. I think that it was fun to see how the cat saw humans during different stages of history. Overall I think that your story was really great and super enjoyable to read.
Your storybook is so good! I have enjoyed reading it throughout the semester. I have loved this idea of a cat who is a part of important scenes in history. Your third story was really good, and I didn't mind at all that there was no origin story. Just taking elements from Ancient Egypt was enough inspiration I felt. Bastet's life still seemed sad as he watched humans tear each other apart. I think you did well at showing Bastet's sadness through it all. Your last story was really good as well, and I enjoyed how Muezza was given some hope for humanity through Jesus and Muhammad. I am sad though, as I am guessing you ran out of time to write your next story over the Black Plague and the Renaissance. I was looking forward to hearing that story. I suppose you have until tomorrow, so perhaps I'll check back. Still, I think you could definitely expand on this story, and I for one would continue to read it if you did. Maybe through the summer you could add more stories if you really want to continue this story, and I'll make sure to check them out. What you do have though is really great, and I think you've done an awesome job of telling your cat's story.
Your storybook has been one of my favorites this semester, which is why I chose it as one of my final project feedback choices. I have thoroughly enjoyed the stories that you have told about the Cat. Your most recent addition of Muezza was very intriguing and I was definitely not expecting the characters of Jesus and Muhammed to be introduced into the story. I think that you made a good choice in including them though! It's bittersweet to see all these storybooks come to a close, because I feel like a lot of them could continue on and go even further than where they are currently at, yours included! When I saw that your last portion of your storybook was entitled "epilogue," I thought that you were going to tell us the story of Cat being a Sith. However, it is understandable that there wasn't enough time to include this story as the semester is coming to a close. I'm a Star Wars nerd, so that's just another reason why I was really looking forward to this next addition to your storybook haha. Anyway, it has been a real pleasure reading your storybook this semester! Best of luck on Finals!
Hello Carol! I just wanted to start by saying great job on your Storybook! I really enjoyed how you told the story over years instead of a short period of time. I feel like that is a very important aspect in your stories. I think you did a great job with the imagery and making it seem real. For me, I think I would probably forget that I’m writing over years and instead would write in the now. Making the story confusing, haha.
From the couple of stories I read, I didn’t notice anything that needed to me corrected or altered. You did a great job laying everything out and explaining the story in a sense that doesn’t leave the reader with questions. You explain everything and don’t leave anything out. I wish I could have read your other stories! I’m not sure I ever made it to your stories. Great job though! Keep up the great work!
I really enjoyed your introduction! I think that the concept behind your storybook is such a unique one. I love how you are going to tell the story of the progress of man through the eyes of a cats none lives. I thought that you set up your stories well and made it very intriguing to the reader. I really liked how you walked through each of the cats eight previous lives. I think that sets up your stories well and it gives the reader a bit of an overview of what to expect. There were a few sentences that could be rewritten through-out your story. In the first paragraph, the last sentence seemed a bit confusing to me. I am not sure if you meant to include the extra “some” in the middle of the sentence or if it was a typo, but I didn’t get what it was supposed to mean. The last three sentences in the second paragraph were also a bit confusing and clunky to me. I would try to reword a little to make it flow better together.
ReplyDeleteYou have a very interesting concept! I think you set up the idea well, but the Introduction seemed much longer and wordier than necessary. I kept getting confused and distracted while reading it. I think it might be helpful to run your intro and stories through a spellchecker again as well because there were quite a few typos (it is so hard to catch them all). I'm very curious to see who the main character is telling all of these stories to because second person is rarely used. I'm very interested to see where your story will go and whether or not you will write all nine lives. I really liked that you had an author's note on your storybook piece because I skipped that, and now I wish I hadn't. I also like that you made a music suggestion, but it was too late to listen to it while I read because it was at the bottom of the page. If you move it to the top under the picture, I think it would be more noticeable. Overall, you have a fun concept to play with, and I'm interested in where you'll go with it.
ReplyDeleteWow. Your homepage is absolutely awesome! I love the picture of the cat that you chose and I love the box with the title of your homepage. This is my favorite homepage by far. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteFrom the start, I really like how you started your story with a quote from a philosopher.
Your introduction is very well-written, and I like how you did it in first person, too.
As for the following chapters/tabs, Li Shou and U Kai, they are also well-written, but I found myself getting confused with the different characters and stories because it was still written in first person. I actually started thinking about myself when I read the words, "I" and "We," so I might suggest creating stronger personalities or a little blurb at the beginning of each tab with a description so that the reader isn't just reading in first person throughout and having to change through the different characters. But you did a nice job.
In regards to your introduction, I am captured by your subject on the grounds of seeming to be in such an incomprehensible state of existence that one wonders how he got there, as well as what kind of "otherness" brought out by humanity lies in such a character.
ReplyDeleteYou tease out the stories well with vague details and the occasional idiom or metaphor (e.g. "curiosity killed the cat"), however I think it would serve well if you could clearly define the chronology of these stories; there are strange sentence orders like the time with Caroll being the finally before we get another life with Cheshire. The amount of lives also confuses me, as I count ten where I assume there are nine, and the narrator is at the end of his eighth? Some clarification would help.
The "neither, nor" sentence feels like it should be separated by a comma, but that's the only grammar quirk I can see.
On to your first story, your message of language is solid and the character development of our pussycat protagonist is off to a good start with his shenanigans involving distraction. We also have a narrative enigma about paradise falling for your next chapter, however I feel it would work even better at the end since the lingering statement at the beginning of the first life being the worst would be enhanced with an ending that calls back to that enigma.
This "unknown" consistently referenced to by the narrator doesn't exactly have anything to regard them as anything more than just an "unknown"; if you could elaborate on what exactly this "unknown" is, I feel it'll add weight to the events of the story and the cat's development.
There are a few grammar quirks, like "decendents", "as walked", and awkward comma placement in the first sentence of the first paragraph. Just a bit of skimming should clean those up.
You're off to a good start, Carol; your premise is intriguing, just laying down some more concrete details like chronology in the introduction and the purpose of the "unknown" in the first story, as well as thinking about how your narrative enigmas can be used as "hooks" for your readers will send this storybook soaring!
Hey Carol! I love the premise of your storybook! Cats are one of my favorite animals and I think it's so cute that you're writing stories from the perspective of a cat. Just some comments about the continuity, I got a little confused because from the introduction it seemed like it was his first life as Li Shou that introduced fire to humans, but then it was actually his second life as U Kai. Also, as others have commented there are a few spelling and grammatical errors (I noticed one on the quote for the last story, you're missing an e in progress), but nothing too terrible. I really liked both of your stories as well. I thought you captured the thoughts a cat really clearly and emphasized how different he is from the humans. I am confused as to why he is so disappointed in himself for letting humans get fire? Is it just because now they will be able to affect the environment more? He let them become the guardians of the world in the past story so what is wrong with them having fire? Anyway, I love your stories! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Carol!
ReplyDeleteWow, I love that you have chosen to do a storybook about cats. I am a huge animal lover (primarily dogs, but I am starting to like cats). The outline for your storybook is well presented. The images and quotes that you have chosen to use were very clever and well incorporated. After reading your intro, I think I was well prepared for what was to come in your other stories. The way you set everything up, flowed so well together. I like how each story will be about a different life that the cat lived. It makes me excited to read more about each story that you are going to have. I noticed a few typos, so maybe try to read through your story again just to double check. Sometimes reading it out loud can help. Can't wait to read more of your stories!
I didn't read U Kai's tale last time so it was interesting to see your continuation. You had far fewer spelling errors this time which I was super proud of you for! That I noticed, it was just the initial quote missing a letter in progress, and a few words like Pyrthat, first, and they being misspelled in the author's note. But I think your story is leading somewhere interesting, I'm just not sure where yet.
ReplyDeleteHowever I am a little confused about the timeline. It sounds like a long long time has passed, but the humans are only just now getting fire. You even mention in your author's note that humans can't function without fire, but they seem to be functioning for hundreds of years and generations. They even developed language before fire. Are they living in a warm climate? Are their stomachs extra hardy against raw foods?
Besides that element of disbelief over the fire on my part, I am ready for the next installment.
I really enjoyed looking at your storybook! Your introduction was fantastic. I liked that you make it kind of mysterious at the beginning and didn’t reveal that the person talking was a cat until the end. I noticed one grammatical error in the first paragraph when you wrote coarse instead of course. I read your first story and I really enjoyed it as well. The part about the platypus was really funny and creative. I like that you have chosen to speak from the perspective of the cat because you have really created a good cat-like attitude in your narrative voice. I am a little bit confused about the setup of you blog. Is the cat going to tell us about all of his past 7 lives and those will be your stories? Maybe you can mention that a little more clearly in your intro if so. Overall your project looks great, though, and I really enjoyed reading it!!
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of your storybook. It will allow you to go in many different directions and have variety while still staying around the center concept of a cat and their nine lives. This is important when having a long project. The format of your storybook is very nice. It is aesthetically pleasing and easy to read. Your idea of having Li Shou kind of be a set up story is a great idea, but what if you did include a little more interaction with humans? This would add more to the story. There was a little confusion in the time line of the events between the introduction and stories. Maybe clearing this up would allow more understanding throughout the storybook. Overall, I feel like you have a really solid foundation for your storybook. It is interesting, fun to read, and easy to look at format wise. Keep going in the direction that you are going and it will provide a great storybook! Great job!
ReplyDeleteCarol, I remember either reading the introduction or reading something about this story before and I remember thinking it would probably be interesting. I think you’ve got a great start here for your storybook project!!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I really like the physical look of your page. I think the pictures are terrific, especially the cat-woman type photo in the second story, “U Kai”. I think the pictures you chose all together are perfect to accompany your story. The text is easy to read with the plain black text and white background.
Second, I think you’ve done a good job with the organization of your storybook. I like how each story is another life for the cat. I also really like how you added suggested music to your stories. I think that adds a lot to your project.
Finally, I noticed a few sentences I think have type-o’s.
Li Shou story, 3rd paragraph from the end/ 3rd line: Language is the building *blocks of society. >> Language is the building block of society.
Li Shou author’s note, 4th line: The major point of *these piece was to provide an origin story >> The major point of these pieces (or this piece) was to provide an origin story
Li Shou author’s note, 2nd line from the end: As to my promise, other stories will have more going on and will have more interactions with humans *then this one. >> As to my promise, other stories will have more going on and will have more interactions with humans than (then used as an instance of time, than is used to make comparisons) this one.
U Kai story, 3rd paragraph, 4th line: We *meet at Salar de Uyuni so that those of the sky could join it the merriment with those of us bound to the ground. >> We met at Salar de Uyuni so that those of the sky could join it the merriment with those of us bound to the ground.
U Kai story, 3rd paragraph, 6th line: The stories grew more fantastical with each new tale *build upon one another. >> The stories grew more fantastical with each new tale building upon the last. (This one isn’t a type-o I guess but it might be beneficial to restructure this sentence.)
U Kai story, 3rd paragraph, 7th line: Foolish as I was *it the time, I deemed it below me to join in on the gaiety. >> Foolish as I was at the time, I deemed it below me to join in on the gaiety.
Wow! This is such a unique story and your introduction does a really great job of setting it up and making the reader want to continue reading. I really enjoy the way you write. Your descriptions are really vivid. I have a few comments on your first story. First of all, I really enjoyed it and it was so interesting. You did a great job at beginning your storybook. So you begin by saying Li Shou made its biggest mistake during this life, however the end of the story is positive and Li Shou doesn't mention a mistake again. I think you could give a glimpse as to why this is a mistake, which will hopefully help lead to your next story. Also, so the humans had no language before this? Would you be able to explain this further? Your first story is so good. You kept me interested through it all. Other than the bit about the mistake and the language, I have no critiques of this story.
ReplyDeleteYour second story is just as good as the first. This life actually seems worse than the previous one, so I would think this would be the mistake, since now they will fear man, but of course I don't know since this isn't my story. I hate that Pyrthat stole U Kai's sword. It really seemed unfair to me, so I think you did good at describing the scene and it is a good element to include because it tells how fire came to be. I love how this is a creation story for fire. I think you could add more about what U Kai learned through this experience. However, like the first story, I don't have a lot to add, because you've done a really great job with it. You can always go through and clean things up and make things more clear, but so far you are doing really well with your storybook.
I love your storybook! It has such a creative theme and who doesn’t love reading about animals, especially when it is from their perspective! I noticed on your most recent story U Kai you have a typo in your quote where you wrote progrss instead of progress. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your story and it was a great addition to the first one that I read a couple weeks ago. I like that you are going through the different lives of one cat character instead of involving a lot of different characters because sometimes that can get really confusing. I also really like that your writing is so clear and descriptive. You do a great job of creating nice images through using the right words. I hope that you don’t give up on this project because the only advice I have is to make sure you get through all of the lives before you end the story!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I was drawn in from the second I clicked on your storybook page and saw the homepage image. You definitely did justice to your storybook by using such an interesting image of the cat glaring. The quotes at the beginning of each new story set the tone perfectly! I think that you do a very good job choosing a quote that means so much to the story, as well.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is intense. Also, I love the STRONG use of imagery that you use throughout the entire story, but the introduction in particular. There was a typo in the 2nd full paragraph where you have "affected affected" written. Other than that, the intro had very few errors, and was grammatically very strong.
In Li Shou, I again saw the use of imagery. You also use very strong verbs to describe the cats thoughts and actions. I like how you transition the character at the ending of the story to where it leads into U Kai perfectly.
In U Kai, the main grammatical error I saw was in the beginning quote, as you forgot the e in progress, easy fix! As far as the content goes, I thought you did a great job explaining U Kai's new role.
Overall, you have a very unique story and I love that the main character is a cat! I love that you used the idea of nine lives. You're a very strong writer, and I can't wait to see what happens in the remaining stories.
Great job!
Hey I'm back again! Is it just me or are there new pictures in the Storybook? Either way, this time I noticed the pictures more and they really work well with the stories! I especially love the close up on the cat face for the introduction. The introduction seems more clear now and I still love the premise! I'm much less confused this time haha. I noticed more of the description this time, and I really love it! I especially liked your descriptions in U Kai about the sun setting casting tongues of fire on the ground and about him dancing. I also like the new music recommendations! I will definitely check out those songs when I get the chance. I really like how you change the banner image every time for the stories too. How did you do that? I might do that for mine as well but I wasn't sure how to get it so that it would change every time. Anyway, I love all of your revisions! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe way you setup the ambiance of your homepage with the colors and image really complements the feel I got from your story. One thing I appreciated about your story is the complexity that it seems to have. Just from the introduction I was intrigued by all of the events that the cat had to encounter throughout his or her lives! Obviously, the animal you chose to use in your storybook fits very well! I also liked the references to cliches, such as the "curiosity killed the cat". Plus the image was on point. You could've chose a funny cat meme, but I think that picture gives the reader a sense of mystery with the cat. Smart to go with a more serious picture. My only critique would be to read back over the introduction for some misspelled words and minor grammatical errors. Really good introduction though! Good luck writing it!
ReplyDeleteHi Carol! First let me say how interesting your storybook is! It’s very original and you can do so much with it. There are so many things you can do with this storybook. I wish there are more personal stories that the cat tells in each lifetime. Each new life they just sort of give an over view. It would be nice to just describe the time period they’re in and the kind of lifestyle it is along with its current technology. Then at the end tell the story of the last events that took place before the cat dies and comes back. Nothing crazy, just one more paragraph. I think that will make it a little more personal because when I read this, I imagine a wise old cat on his last life telling his stories to kittens, maybe? I think it would add more emotion to the story as well. Of course, you don’t have to take any of these suggestions, your storybook is already so great! Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteHi again!
ReplyDeleteI have read part of your storybook, and from what I remember, I really liked it, especially the picture on your home page. I think it's interesting that in your introduction you use first person. Especially with your main character being a cat, I love this. I love the background you wrote. Also, I think it's fantastic that you referenced "Curiosity Killed the Cat." I wrote my senior research paper on that poem. It's a good one. From what I can tell since I last read your storybook, I can see that you're writing your chapters by lives of the cat. I think that's a fantastic idea. I might suggest maybe writing in a different style for one of your chapters as you move on to give it a little bit of diversity. Maybe write a chapter from the point of view of one of the characters that the cat runs into, like a mouse or a person. You could make the text italic so that we know it is from the different point of view.
Hey Carol! I want to start by saying that your storybook has good depth to it. You do a great job in setting up your storybook through your introduction. You briefly list the things and events that the Cat has gone through and then you continue to expound upon those events in your stories. Anything thing that you do great on is your author's notes.
ReplyDeleteThroughout all of your stories your writing allows me to paint a picture of what's going on through the Cat's perspective. Also, you provide valid reasons for sayings such as, "curiosity killed the cat." There is only one thing that I keep getting hung up on and that is the Cat's transitions from life to life. Does the Cat end one life and begin another as major events happen throughout history? Or does the Cat literally die and is reborn in another cat body with all of its memories and experiences? Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed your storybook!
Carol I love that you decided to create a storybook about cats and the nine lives that they have whilst incorporating other stories into that! It's a great and different take on cats. I will say the transition from Li Shou to U Kai and so forth made me wonder why she/he changed into a new entity in the first place? And I was surprised to see that they were still deities rather than being reincarnated into the mortal realm. I would've enjoyed seeing them change/reincarnate in the mortal realm and in 'heaven' as a deity. Though this is strange to mention since it is a story about a cat with its nine lives, it would've been interesting to see it transition into a human. Quite possibly for the end could it do so? Adding into the greatness of your work, I loved how you incorporated the 'curiosity killed the cat,' it's stuff like that, that tickles me because it's awesome to utilize something we already know and transform it in a story. I'm sure you're sick of seeing that, but it's your popular piece yet. Overall, great job on your project!! It's coming in nicely!
ReplyDeleteHello Carol,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your storybook. As soon as I saw the Introduction page I was already interested because of the great collections of photos you used thought your storybook. The reason I chose to read your story was because I love cats. They are so adorable and cute and your title immediately pulled me in. I wanted to see what this was about. I also like that the stories were easy to read and there was suggest music which is also helpful to know. I liked the idea of your story. The fact that each story is a new story is the most interesting and unique idea thus far. Your intro was also really good at setting up what the reader was getting themselves into. I think you did a really good job. The only think I would look at is just spellchecking. I also have trouble this. However, really great stories!
Wow I really loved your stories! I think that your theme and overall story arch is so clever and original. I never would have thought that a cat could use its 9 lives to live long enough to see the world grow and change throughout generations. I thought you did a good job creating your character. I felt like even though he was a different cat reincarnation in ever story, the writing was done it the same was that it kept it cohesive. I also like how you just included subtle glances at the human world that the cat was observing. I would suggest in your story about U Kai that you add the link to the next story at the bottom. I think you forgot to add it, but I really like how that was a seamless transition into your next story. I am excited to see what you write about for your next story.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great idea for a storybook! Using the cat as a narrator is a really interesting perspective through which to tell your different stories. I love how you took an idea that we are all familiar with, the nine lives of a cat, and expanded it to make this! I almost get an eerie feeling from your introduction from knowing that the cat has been there and will continue to be there. I think it is interesting to give him an almost god-like quality where he gets to silently oversee all these historical events, choosing when to interfere. I also loved how you incorporated quotes from various individuals at the first of every story. I hadn’t seen that before and I think it really works well here. Your first story was so good! You gave background so it makes sense why the cat is no longer charged with overseeing the world. I loved your details; you captured a cat’s nature well in your descriptions. The ending of this story perfectly sets the scene for a second story to explore the new life of U Kai.
ReplyDeleteHey again Carol!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading the last of your two stories this week! I still think it is so creative that you are going through the nine lives of a cat through the eyes of the cat itself. After reading through some of the stories, it definitely looks like you put a lot of though and effort into researching the history. I think you definitely were able to transition well to the next story each time. If I was to add a suggestion to your story it would maybe be to change up the writing style a little or add some dialogue. I know it is through the cat's perspective, but it it was talking to someone else, there could be some interesting lines added or something! I did really like how your stories started out reflecting humanity and then went to something more focused on the individual. I thought the names for each of the stories were also unique. I wasn't quite sure what you were inspired by? Maybe explaining that a little more in your story would also be just an idea. Overall great stories and a great concept!
I really enjoyed your story boo this semester. I really liked coming back every few weeks and seeing what new storied you have added. I liked how in your stories you kept things slightly ambiguous at the beginning. It kept me interested in reading so that I could figure out what part of history you were in and what person you were talking about. I think that it was so fun to read from the perspective of a cat throughout its nine lives. I know we didn’t get through all nine lives, but I would love to read more and see what he gets up to. I like how each reincarnation of the cat had a different personality and outlook on humans. I think that it was fun to see how the cat saw humans during different stages of history. Overall I think that your story was really great and super enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is so good! I have enjoyed reading it throughout the semester. I have loved this idea of a cat who is a part of important scenes in history. Your third story was really good, and I didn't mind at all that there was no origin story. Just taking elements from Ancient Egypt was enough inspiration I felt. Bastet's life still seemed sad as he watched humans tear each other apart. I think you did well at showing Bastet's sadness through it all.
ReplyDeleteYour last story was really good as well, and I enjoyed how Muezza was given some hope for humanity through Jesus and Muhammad. I am sad though, as I am guessing you ran out of time to write your next story over the Black Plague and the Renaissance. I was looking forward to hearing that story. I suppose you have until tomorrow, so perhaps I'll check back. Still, I think you could definitely expand on this story, and I for one would continue to read it if you did. Maybe through the summer you could add more stories if you really want to continue this story, and I'll make sure to check them out. What you do have though is really great, and I think you've done an awesome job of telling your cat's story.
Your storybook has been one of my favorites this semester, which is why I chose it as one of my final project feedback choices. I have thoroughly enjoyed the stories that you have told about the Cat. Your most recent addition of Muezza was very intriguing and I was definitely not expecting the characters of Jesus and Muhammed to be introduced into the story. I think that you made a good choice in including them though!
ReplyDeleteIt's bittersweet to see all these storybooks come to a close, because I feel like a lot of them could continue on and go even further than where they are currently at, yours included! When I saw that your last portion of your storybook was entitled "epilogue," I thought that you were going to tell us the story of Cat being a Sith. However, it is understandable that there wasn't enough time to include this story as the semester is coming to a close. I'm a Star Wars nerd, so that's just another reason why I was really looking forward to this next addition to your storybook haha. Anyway, it has been a real pleasure reading your storybook this semester! Best of luck on Finals!
Hello Carol! I just wanted to start by saying great job on your Storybook! I really enjoyed how you told the story over years instead of a short period of time. I feel like that is a very important aspect in your stories. I think you did a great job with the imagery and making it seem real. For me, I think I would probably forget that I’m writing over years and instead would write in the now. Making the story confusing, haha.
ReplyDeleteFrom the couple of stories I read, I didn’t notice anything that needed to me corrected or altered. You did a great job laying everything out and explaining the story in a sense that doesn’t leave the reader with questions. You explain everything and don’t leave anything out. I wish I could have read your other stories! I’m not sure I ever made it to your stories. Great job though! Keep up the great work!